Well actually, I’ve just seen that sentiment expressed in gentler terms in Newsweek. English majors make less on average than almost any other major. I’ve heard various presidents say that it’s non-math majors like me who keep our country from producing the truly top-of-the-line killer robots we really need. And I’m okay with that.
I can’t defend the English major. But I do have a few words to say about the marketing major.
Marketing majors rely on two basic skills: being mean and knowing when boots are in style.
Since you are a marketing major, I want to propose a marketing strategy you might find intriguing. If someone wants to promote their business, they probably shouldn’t hire the most obnoxious person they can find to be their main company contact. That’s right, Marketing Lady. I propose that you and I switch places.
It’s not that marketing classes don’t teach you anything. I know they do. But they can’t teach you how to, say, wipe a dumb smirk off your face, or to stop talking about how many carats are in your engagement ring.
Making a nice person (ahem, an English major) the new marketing lady would make our clients feel a little more at ease. An English major wouldn’t sneer at you for wearing the wrong lipstick color or being a few pounds overweight. If you vomited in the middle of an important meeting, she wouldn’t judge you or tell her coworkers about it. She would just nod vacantly, wait a couple of days, and then email you a Frank O’Hara poem that reminded her of the incident.
I had several of these women in the office where I temped in college. They also liked to remind me that I needed to hurry up and find a husband, and one of them heard me mention that I was a Libra and told me that astrology was evil and that she would pray for me to accept Jesus.
"I am sick of people mixing up compliment/complement and affect/effect. Also, last week on JDate (don’t judge), I saw a woman who said she was looking for a man who complimented her in every way, and I thought, well, that seems pretty needy to me, but at least she’s being honest."
- Things disgruntled grammar snobs/copy editors email to each other