It’s Memorial Day weekend! That is supposed to mean summer shares and trips to Fire Island and going to barbecues. But that also means planning and work and saving money and doing shit ahead of time, none of which I usually feel like doing. I burn at the beach, I’m too cheap to chip in for a Hamptons house, and no one invited me to anything. And to be honest, all I want to do this weekend is burrow in my apartment, turn the a/c up full blast, and catch up on my Netflix queue.
For some reason, I find summers stressful. When I plan for a vacation, even when I’m going to another country by myself, I feel elated and full of promise. I read every single review of every single hostel before choosing one and print out a subway map to study on the airplane. But somehow I can’t muster up the same enthusiasm for the LIRR schedule and deciding which beach to go to. All I can think about is how much I spend on rent every month and how I’d rather wring every available second out of living here instead of pay money to stay somewhere incredibly close by. Either way, if anyone wants to come over and drink a beer on the fire escape or have some popsicles while watching the Say Yes to the Dress marathon, you know where to find me.
“If you stop at the top of a set of stairs to talk on the phone, if you are in the flow of traffic at a crowded bar or club, if you are chatting it up in a large group on a sidewalk, then you are in the damn way. Don’t do that. There are other people who want to go down the stairs, get to the other side of the club, or get to the Starbucks that is just across the street from you, and you and your annoying gaggle of people are in the way. It’s called a sidewalk, not a side-stand-around-and-hug-Katrina-who-you-used-to-work-with-at-the-Gap. When you run into Katrina, give her a hug and then move yourselves over to the side to let everyone else pass. It’s people like you who make moving around so damn difficult. If everyone just got out of the way, I’d have an extra hour of free time every day.”—Also, how did I never know the phrase “Irish pajamas” before today?
“Why the fixation on high school? In America, it’s probably the closest thing we have to a universal experience – not everyone goes to college, and not everyone works in an office, but high school (or at least some of it) is required by law. Therefore, it’s easy to pull from high school experiences, as if they’re a sort of collective memory, and make them into something else. But more often, people who wish they could change something about high school and relive it another way create movies and TV shows where their characters do exactly that, and the obsession with high school as the end-all of American existence is outdated and condescending. And senior year in particular is the culmination of that obsession, with the prom serving as a mirror to the human soul. Yes, high school was fun. The prom was great. But you know what else is awesome? The entire rest of your life.”—Prom episodes of TV shows apparently make me ranty
A friend of mine needed people to quote in an article, so I connected her with “Mallory,” a girl I went to high school with. This resulted in a side tangent where Mallory and I caught up about work and who from our high school had another kid lately, and then she added the most perfect, unintentionally hilarious PS ever: “By the way, [name of my boyfriend, who also went to our high school] is really hot now. Good job.”
“For its twenty-fifth season, The Real World returned to the place where I believe the series started to go astray – Las Vegas. But this cast proved more interesting than the original Las Vegas season’s motley crew – namely because one of them, Dustin Zito (pictured), was getting headlines before the season even aired. Dustin had worked in the porn industry, appearing on a show called Fratpad where young men engaged in sex acts with themselves and each other. Though many people in the audience were aware of Dustin’s history before the show aired, his fellow cast mates were not. (The show is normally taped and edited several months before it airs.)”—Did you guys know The Real World is still on? And that it’s kind of OK this season?